Fliss // 1st Year // History

Growing up, half my family were Christians, half weren’t. This meant that I was never forced to have a faith: it was (and is) my own choice. All the same, there have been lots of ups and downs in the love that I’ve felt towards God. I guess this is to be expected: we’re emotional creatures, and that affects all kinds of things.

If I had to pick a defining moment in my faith, my dad’s death is high up there for this very reason. I remember coming home after finding out about it and being literally unable to stand up (or eat my bowl of pasta, which if you know me and my appetite, you’ll know is a pretty big deal haha). I felt such intense pain, but also such overwhelming peace in knowing that God loved me and knew me even in the depths of my grief. In the years since, there’ve been numerous times when I’ve felt utterly despairing of God: unable to see him through my anger and confusion. But the Bible says that there’s more to reality than just my internal dialogue with myself. It claims that there is an external reality made and loved by a God who loves us; a God who describes himself as a faithful father treasuring his precious children. This God is unchanging and good. If we choose to, we can have the privilege of spending our lives getting to know him. In my experience, his truth is beautiful; infusing life with meaning and purpose and poignancy and hope and joy and community, even in the midst of pain. I’m so grateful to my God for who he is and I long to know him better. I believe he longs for us to know him too.